Funerals and Wakes

Holding wakes in churches has become a reasonably common feature in some of our neighbouring parishes. As you may be aware I am not comfortable with holding wakes in our parish churches. At one time many years ago I had actually considered introducing the practice in this parish, long before it was being done in any other parish. However, having waited for a while and having subsequently attended wakes in a few other churches I felt forced to change my mind. This may be an opportune time to explain my reasons for this.

For me, the church building is the House of God. We should respect it as such. It should be the still point at the heart of the parish, where people can come collectively to celebrate Mass and other devotions or individually to pray quietly to our God, without outside distractions. This has become even more necessary with the passing of the years. Now, there is noise everywhere, with seemingly no escape from it, with music playing even in shops and restaurants, usually loudly. In that atmosphere it is almost impossible to find a place where we can have peace and stillness. If nowhere else, then surely the church building should be the one place that provides that quiet.

My view of wakes in the church changed some years ago when I attended a few wakes in neighbouring churches. When I entered the church there was a cacophony of noise, people laughing and talking and even shouting across open spaces to each other. I felt all respect for the House of God had been lost. I’m not saying that this would happen here at every wake but the likelihood is that, as we became more familiar with the practice, we would lose a lot of that sense of respect for the House of God.

Already, it is becoming ever more difficult to preserve the church as a place of quiet. I find this to be particularly true at weddings and even before and after Funeral Masses. In fact, talking loudly in the church is now beginning to become ever more the norm after Sunday Mass. You have to ask, where are we heading as a People of God. Have we lost the sense of the sacred?

We discussed the issues involved at a Pastoral Council meeting in 2019. After a full discussion, with many people expressing their views, the overall consensus was against holding wakes in the parish churches.

While the main issue was around the point I have outlined, during that Pastoral Council meeting two other issues presented themselves. If wakes are to be held in the church we considered all the responsibilities that arise: somebody has to go there in the first place to prepare the church with heating and lighting –this is especially the case during the winter months –and then to return to receive the coffin when it arrives. Then somebody has to be there later on to say the prayers at the appointed time. And finally, someone has to wait on and lock the church when everybody has left. We simply do not have the man-power or woman-power, or indeed the priests, nowadays to see to all of those tasks.

The second point mentioned at the Pastoral Council meeting was the cost to the parish finances. While this was relevant at the time of our meeting it is far more relevant now. As we all know, lighting and heating have become very expensive. Holding wakes in the church would involve quite a substantial cost. Funerals are expensive to families for the various fees that are charged but we might note that the parish/church is the only entity that charges nothing for its use or preparation –this is the case even for families who contribute nothing financially to the parish in the course of the year through the Offertory envelopes.

It is the undertaker who is responsible for the wake and families are charged for this service. Should the family desire the wake to be held in the funeral home rather than in the family home of the deceased, most undertakers provide a premises that is suitable for the holding of a wake, with all the proper facilities. The church building is not equipped with all the necessary facilities. If any undertaker does not provide the necessary facilities then surely it is a matter to be sorted out with the particular undertaker.

More recently, I have been alerted to the possibility that, with a likely mixture of adults and children mingling freely in the church at wakes over an extended period of time, we may become accountable for child safeguarding and protection issues. While this is a grey area at present we certainly can’t take the risk of having to assume this responsibility.

Finally, while wakes in churches have become reasonably common in some of our neighbouring parishes, I have discovered, on enquiring among several priests, that it is quite a rare thing throughout the rest of the Diocese of Limerick, or indeed throughout the country.

I don’t expect everyone to agree fully with our position but I hope you will at least understand why we have adopted the practice we hold to in this parish. Even if I were to change my view, I would not feel able to change the practice in the parish without returning to the Pastoral Council to ascertain whether they were in agreement with our doing so.